Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The day I almost ate Daddy.... by Jack

Jack - It was a dark and quiet morning. I had heard Daddy leaving for the gym. He had left through the garage which I thought was strange but I decided that this was not a matter to worry about. I returned to my peaceful slumber. Soon after, my Mommy came to wake us up. This happens every morning, and I didn't anticipate anything unusual to happen. Unfortunately, I was greatly mistaken. I was walking into the living room with Abby and Mommy when suddenly a huge intruder burst into the kitchen! A large parcel in his arms jarred against our kitchen table just as I sprang into action. My sister and Mommy were in danger. I went into instant Gaurd Dog Mode. My muscles tensed up. My head dropped low to the ground. I let out a series of my loudest, most ferocious barks. I must protect my family. I must protect my home. Behind me, somewhere in the back of my mind I registered my Mommy laughing. Strange, but I still had a job to do. There was an intruder in the house and it was my job to drive him away. I charged forward, knowing that my black brindled coloration, my large jaw, and my muscular, 100lb Mastiff body should be enough to intimidate even the bravest of burglers. Suddenly, without warning, the lights sprang to life. There, standing in front of me holding a bulging duffle bag was....Daddy! What was Daddy doing home? Daddy Daddy! So that was why Mommy was laughing! It all makes sense now...I sure am glad Mommy turned the lights on when she did, or Daddy would have been toast!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Yummy Human Food!

Abby – Yesterday, my Mommy did something unusual. She actually gave me human food! Normally Mommy doesn’t allow me to have human food except for the bits that fall on the floor when Mommy or Daddy are cooking. Then they call in the canine vacuum cleaners (me and Jack) and we get to have a yummy nibble. On rare occasions Mommy will give me an uncooked spaghetti noodle. I’m not sure why, but she always laughs at me while I’m eating it. But anyways, like I said, Mommy gave me human food yesterday. Daddy had cooked hamburgers and Mommy couldn’t finish all of hers. So she gave me a really big hunk of hers. Jack got a teeny nibble of meat and a few bites of my portion. I’m not sure why but later my tummy felt yucky and I threw up in front of Mommy just before she put me to bed. I felt much better afterwards but Mommy didn’t seem too thrilled for some reason. She told me she was sorry and then said something terrible! “No more human food for you!”. I can’t believe it?! What did I do wrong?? No more human food! It can’t be! I live for human food! Human food is so much better than kibble! Help me somebody! Convince Mommy that human food is good for me, please!

Jack – I remember a time when Daddy gave me some pizza crust. It had cheese all through the center of it, and was so good I nearly cried. I also remember my tummy hurting and throwing up too. Maybe that’s why I only got a teeny bit of meat and the few bites I stole out of Abby’s bowl before Mommy yelled at me. Guess human food is too rich for our tummies. It tastes so good though…life is so unfair.